So I have recently discovered that I have a fear of life. Not being alive. But having a life. Since I have been sleeping for so long, I got out of touch with people. I only talk with them over facebook really. And I am afraid of having a life. In my mind, I have told myself that everybody hates me. And I really don't know why. But that's just the way that I think. So I am afraid of leaving my house. I am afraid to leave my little bubble that I have in my apartment because I think that everybody hates me and everybody is judging me. It's weird, I know. But that's just the way I think.. for some reason.
And that is why I really appreciate people saying nice things. You have no idea how much it means to me for people to actually like me. I just need to get out of my house and go make more friends. It's just really really hard for me. I can't be vulnerable. It's like that saying, reject them before they reject you. Well I just act like I hate everybody before they can hate me. I mean, let me be honest, I do really hate some people. But most people, I just don't interact with so they can't get to know me. Because if I spend my time getting to know them, they will just leave. So it's a big thing for me to get out and do things.
I just wish that I could go out and do simple things like go to the Haggen without contemplating it for an hour in my head.
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