Last Wednesday, I went to Senior Recognition Night at the high school. I haven't been to one since 3 years ago when my brother had to be there. It was mixed emotions that night. And tons of them! I was happy because all these people were graduating and they are starting a new chapter in their life. But on the other hand, this was supposed to be the year I graduate. And I'm not. Yes, I got my GED. But I wish I didn't have my stupid sleep disorder because maybe I could have been "normal" and stayed in high school. Everybody says that they hate high school but I wish I had the chance to hate it. Does that sound strange? But I never got to go to a school dance. And when senior prom was here, that was very depressing. I mean even if I was in school, I don't think I would have gone to a dance anyway. Who would ask me? I'm just the girl that sleeps all the time. But at Senior Night, I was happy for everybody and so proud that my class had did it! I was fine up until the slideshow.. then I started crying. Everybody had their senior pictures up there and I just was so mad that I didn't have the chance to have the high school experience. Plus- there was a picture with Chelsey like every other picture!! That just made it worse. And another reason I hated that night was because Chelsey's name should have been on right side with the name of the person getting the scholarship. But it sucks that she is on the "In Memory Of" side. I think about her a lot and it's very depressing because she didn't have the chance. If anybody deserved "normal", it's her.
So it was an interesting night to say the least. Lots of thoughts when through my mind and sometimes I wish that I can just stop them. But that's a downfall of bipolar, I can't. But my mom did get me a yearbook this year! That's good!
So as far as graduation, I really want to go. But I know that I will start bawling. It's alright though. I need to be there or I will hate myself forever. It's just been an interesting and very hard year.. Happy it's almost over. But at the same time... I want to go back in time!
Aw Shantel, I am sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I understand where you are coming from. It's hard seeing all those people together and seeing how their lives have gone throughout their high school career. I was one of those kids that hated high school, so much in fact that I did running start just to get away from them. I really never felt like I fit in after I moved away in 7th grade. I lost all my friends and then moved to Bellingham and had to start all over. I never quite got comfortable so I just kind of ran away from them. For me, graduation was tough because I never had those super close friendships as everyone else seemed to had developed. It got better though after high school and in college. Trust me, there are plenty of opportunities for you out there to form friendships. Anyways, I think you should be proud of yourself. You EARNED your GED well before anyone else was graduated. That was a great accomplishment and I certainly am proud of you for doing it and sticking to it. (Hey, you could have just been a high school dropout and never even tried to get your GED!) Anyways, I hope things are getting better for you. I feel like you going to the Senior Night was a good experience for you in the long run and it really helped you to have some reflection on your life and where you want to go in life. Just try to stay on the positive side, and when it's too tough to do that, just give me a call. I really am always here for you, just wanted you to know that. I know I stay pretty busy but I honestly could never be too busy to just take a few minutes (or a lot haha) to chat with you. You are definitely someone I can trust and I know I can always get an honest answer from you. Thanks for the blog :) I enjoyed it. (I actually didn't realize you had a blog page so now that I know I will have to start keeping up with it! )
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